I find myself withdrawing. I'd rather sit home and listen to music than go out. I don't want to explain. I don't want to fall in love and die. I'll feel pretty stupid if I don't die soon.

Shit.

Thought this was done for now. But I got a call tonight saying I have to go for another CT scan in the morning. Don't know quite what this is all about, but I'm not happy about it.

I'm really annoyed!

I went to pee and when I got back there was a message on my screen that said there had been a power surge on a USB device. I was instructed to click on the message "balloon" for more details. When I tried, I saw that the damn cat had chewed thru the mouse wire. For the third time! I immediately kicked him out of the room, along with his brother, and walked to Staples to buy a new mouse. Very annoyed, I've now spent $75 on mouses for this damn computer. A friend has suggested putting duct tape on the mouse wire. I feel more like putting duct tape on the cat's mouth.

Aah... Incomplete

Went to see Z this morning so he could check the incision, which is healing fine. Then he said Let's go to my office and chat.
He says The test results aren't complete yet, but it is lymphoma. The good news is it appears to be a low grade variety which is very treatable, and sometimes not treated at all. I'll go for a bunch more tests now to try and narrow this down and then we'll see.
I decided to head a few blocks down and see Dr. C. She's been my doctor for more than 10 years now, and coincidentally, her specialty is hematological oncology. So finally I'm giving her something she can sink her teeth into. It's another blistering day in NY.
By the time I got to Dr. C's she's read the report. She says pretty much the same thing Z said, and talks a little about the various "low grades" and how they're treated, or not treated and just monitored. She suggests we do a bone marrow biopsy now, as long as I'm at the office.
I'm not crazy about having a needle stuck into the bone, so I make sure she shoots me with a double shot of anesthetic. And it's not so bad. She has to push pretty hard on the needle, and her arm is getting tired, which is kind of funny, and I get to ask, for the first time in my life "Is it in yet? " Nyuk, nyuk. We all laugh at that one.
I now have an incision on my right front and a hole on my left back. I'll have to try sleeping on my head tonight.
I talked about the girls with Dr. C. She suggests I say nothing yet because we don't know anything yet, so why worry them. Seems like a good idea.
I went back to the office, where my father gave me 68 kisses and I made an appointment for a CAT scan Monday.
Tonight I'll go out and get rip roaring drunk. And get ready for tomorrow's fun with Repulsa.

Incomplete?

Called Z's office today. Receptionist said he was in surgery, there was nothing in my file so results must not be back. He'll call me as soon as he hears. So I called Dr. C, would she call over to the hospital and see if anything's back yet? She calls me back a few minutes later to say the path report's not back yet, but it's still early in the day. What's taking so long since last Wednesday?
Z's receptionist called back, the results came in but they're incomplete (what the fuck does that mean?). I asked are they incomplete good, or incomplete bad? She has no idea, but promises Z will call.
I'm still not really nervous about the whole thing, more bemused than anything else. I do, however, hope that by tomorrow this will have all turned out to be a harmless adventure.