SMS

Me & Jeff S
Aug 12, 2008
Jeff S: Any Change? Jeff
Me: He's awake again :)
Jeff S: Anything more from his doctors?
Me: Radiation oncologist will be in to talk to mom today. I hope pop's still awake
Jeff S: Thanks. Love to Leon, et. al.
Me: Who's Al?
Jeff S: ?
Me: Love to leon & al?
Jeff S: PS: How' Suzy
Me: Are you getting back at me for the efficacy thing?
Me: Fine. I think she got bombed and knocked over the water last night at the restaurant :)
Jeff S: How dare you!
Jeff S: And a fine time it must have been.
Me: I'm sure. I spoke with mom and she sounded a bit buzzed last night as well. Good for them?
Jeff S: How is your Mom-without her Kevlar cloak?
Me: She sounded relaxed
Jeff S: Is your Dad able to speak?
Me: Yes but I don't think it's sentences
Jeff S: Please let me know if you need me/us
Me: Thank you

Sept. 26, 2008
Jeff S: Hi. How are you, your Mom and brothers?
Me: Still processing the last 2 months. Worst for mom (obviously). Thanks for asking.
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Me & Gordon S
Aug. 9, 2008
Me: The chemo started working today. He spoke for the first time in a week and a half and he squeezed my mothers butt. That's my dad!
Aug. 10, 2008
Gordon S: Wonderful!!! Did u tell him we talked?
Me: Yes, but earlier in the day
Gordon S: Thanks
Aug 13, 2008
Gordon S: Any update
Me: They're going to stop with steroids and sedatives/antipsychotics to see if he can wake up and they can assess if there's been any damage
Gordon S: Wake up from what? Has the condition improved or deteriorated?
Me: He's about the same. But he's asleep way too much
Aug 15, 2008
Gordon S: Is the kemo helping?
Me: Hard to say yet but he's got his iPod on and he's (sorta) singing along to old elton john music
Gordon S: Hey... He's da Schmeer!
Aug 15, 2008
Gordon S: Whats happening
Aug 20, 2008
Gordon S: May I hv an update, please
Me: Not much change. Still mostly asleep. He's home now.
Gordon S: Does that mean he is improving?
Me: I don't think so. He's still taking chemo but mostly it's hospice care
Gordon S: What is the prognosis
Me: No Timeline but I think if he doesn't improve soon he'll die soon
Gordon S: Saddens me. How r u holding up
Me: I'm sad all the time
Gordon S: Anytime u want to talk, m here for u
Me: Thank you
Aug 21, 2008
Gordon S: Same, better, or...?
Me: Same
Aug 22, 2008
Gordon S: And today?
Me: A little more awake, a little more alert
Gordon S: Good. Thx
Aug 25, 2008
Gordon S: Everything ok?
Me: Same
Aug 27, 2008
Gordon S: ?
Me: Same
Gordon S: Is same considered good
Me: I guess. He's not getting any worse and his vital signs are excellent.
Aug 31, 2008
Gordon S: ?
Me: Died this morning around 6:30
Gordon S: vERY deeply sad. And equally so for you
Please extend my condolences to Paul David and your mom.
da Schmeer and I certainly went thru many intimate and fun times together
One of my favorite people. He will always have a very special place in my heart.
With love, gordi
Sept 2, 2008
Gordon S: How r u and family holding up?
Me: Ok, all things considered
Gordon S: Anytime u want to talk, pls call.
Sept 22, 2008
Gordon S: Bet Yr dad Wld Hv some clever comments re this crazy mkt
Me: No doubt. And he would be calm. I miss him.

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Me & Paul

Aug 4, 2008
Paul: Anything yet? How is mom?
Me: Nothing yet. Moms ok
Aug 7, 2008
Paul: Did you go today? What's doin with dad?
Me: I'm there now. He's mostly out of it
Paul: Did they get him up and walking?
Me: No
Aug 7, 2008
Me: His speech is almost entirely incomprehensible. I don't think they were able to exercise him at all. It's very difficult to get him to swallow the chemo capsules even with applesauce. They can't be opened, he has to swallow them whole. All in all not a great day.
Paul: Can you resend the beginning of this note?
Aug 10, 2008
Paul: What's doing?
Me: Sleeping. Maybe he waits till I leave to get chatty
Aug 12, 2008
Paul: What's doin?
Aug 19, 2008
Paul: Hey! You around?
Aug 22, 2008, 11:08 am
Paul: What's up?
8:32 pm
Me: Any excitement?
Paul: Nope. Mom was feeding him some puddin which he seemed to enjoy but pretty quiet. He looks good though.
Aug 27, 2008
Paul: U out for dinner?
Me: No. Harvey and Maxine are here. We're having cocktails and pop is having dinner.
Paul: How's he doing tonight?
Me: Mostly asleep but looks good. And moms feet look better
Aug 30, 2008
Paul: I'm coming in tomorrow but if he starts looking really bad please call me
Me: Ok
Aug 30, 2008
Me: He's not swallowing his meds
Paul: Do you think I should come in? How is mom?
Sept 1, 2008
Me: David, Sharon & the kids are here
Sept 2, 2008, 12:33 am
Paul: U up?
Paul: I'm afraid the pain hasn't started yet
Paul: I'm starting to freak a bit
8:06 am
Me: Yeah. I don't think I can go in to the office today
Sept 2, 2008, 10:30am
Paul: What's doin?
8:17pm
Me: Sent. Call me with comments.
Sept 3, 2008
Paul: How are you feeling?
Me: Fine. Tired. Having lunch with mom
Sept 11,2008
Me: Oh boy. I'm typing out some notes and I'm having a tough time just proof reading.
Paul: Lip sinc! :)
Paul: Veronica says "pull it together man, I'm taking my cues from you!"
Me: Xanax and speed and I'll be fine
Paul: V says keep reading it over and over and you will become a bit deserve
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Me & Ike S
Aug 9, 2008
Me: The chemo started to kick in today. He spoke for the first time in a week and a half. And he squeezed my mom's butt. That's my dad!
Aug 29, 2008, 7:24pm
Me: I think he's getting ready to die Ike. He's not eating anymore. I'm so sad.
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Me & Karen
Aug 5, 2008
Me: Temodal?
Karen: Yes thats it
Me: Thanks. He starts it tomorrow.
Aug 11, 2008, 12:39pm
Me: Did you ever show the films and stuff to your radiation people? Paul Says he hears the dr is leaning towards no radiation and putting him in a hospice.
3:51pm
Me: Call me, please
Aug 12, 2008, 2:45pm
Me: He's awake again :)
6:29pm
Me: They say he's not a candidate for radiation right now.
Aug 20, 2008
Me: Hello fron colleen
Aug 26, 2008, 12:04pm
Me: I still don't understand why they can't radiate. Why can't they lock his head down? What do they do with babies?

Mid-July

My mom was spending the summer up at the house. Dad would take the bus home on Sunday and go back up on Wednesday or Thursday.
He'd been very tired most days and would spend some time on the couch in the office. Also, he'd recently been having some balance issues that he couldn't understand. He said he didn't get dizzy, and his legs didn't just give out, but on several occasions he just lost his balance and went down. He made an appointment with a neuroligist for Thursday.
On the Sunday afternoon before, he called to ask would I mind if he didn't come down till Wednesday. I said no problem and I would meet him at the bus.
I got to Port Authority with time to spare and, with a cell phone call from him, determined where he was waiting for me.
I went downstairs and saw him waiting. The only thing that stuck out to me was that his hair was mussed (his hair was usually never mussed). Other than that, and the fact that he was walking a bit slow (so would I if I had fallen a couple of times) he was fine. We grabbed a cab back to his apartment. We went down to the Chinese take-out place, ordered some lo mein and ate it while chatting. Normal.
I spent the night and the next day (Thursday) we took a cab to the neurologist together. The exam went fine but the doc wanted to do a scan and we were able to schedule an MRI for that night at 9pm as he was planning to get back on the bus for Massachusetts the next day.
That evening we went to dinner at a bar/restaurant on his corner and each had a burger and a beer. Normal.
Then we went uptown for the MRI. The neurologist said he might have the results the next day, but if not, definitely by Monday.
After the MRI we went home, bull-shitted for a while, and went to sleep.
Next morning we left the apartment around 11am to put him back on the bus. He called the doc's office before we left and they said they didn't yet have the results.
I waited with him till the bus boarded and chatted with a guy on line. All was well, and I left and went back to work.

That evening my mother called. She wanted to know how he was when he got on the bus because by the time the bus got to Lee, he was the last one off and the driver had to help him. I said he had been fine when I left him.
She sounded frightened, not a usual emotion for her, and I said I was coming up to the house. I called Paul, related the conversation I had with mom and told him she sounded frightened and that I was going up.
He called up to the house, and despite their protestations, he called me back and said he would meet me there.
We got there really late and said hello and went to sleep.
My mother wanted to bring him to an emergency room. She, Paul, and I debated whether to bring him to the local hospital or back to NY. At that point I was thinking maybe he's had a small stroke and the wait at the local emergency room would be shorter than in Mt. Sinai. Meantime, he was able to walk up and down stairs, eat breakfast, and shave and shower.
He was sitting in his blue chair and started having some speech problems. He would start a sentence and end up sounding like Porky Pig. He laughed about it as did we all. He said, I think maybe I've had a small stroke.
He and I went out to the deck to drink our coffee while I had a cigarette and my mother called his doctor, Larry, to ask if we should come back to NY or take him to emergency up there. She talked with him for a few minutes and then hung up and said he told her we should drive down.

Later, Paul told me that during the conversation with the doctor, Mom's face went pale.

When dad went upstairs, mom said, "He's got a brain tumor". I asked her if that was her opinion or is that what the doc said?

She said that that's what Larry told her, he had seen the report from the test the night before.

Apparently, the technician at the lab had called Larry right away with the news. Larry had told him not to say anything as he knew that dad wasn't with mom at that moment and since one day wasn't going to make a difference he didn't want him to know till they were together.

Ashes to Ashes...

I went to the funeral home yesterday to pick up his ashes. He was in a plastic bag inside a plastic container inside a taped corrugated box. Looked like a UPS package. I carried him the 2 blocks home in a shopping bag. He and I had walked this route many times and we chatted as usual. Except this time it was a one way conversation. I hoped this wouldn't be the day a thief would choose to run up behind me and steal my green, unmarked, 8 pound shopping bag.

My mother answered the door, looked at the bag and asked, "Pop?". I nodded.

She got a little teary, took the bag and brought it to the bedroom. She came out several minutes later and closed the door behind her.

I was on the phone with her today and I asked where he was. She said he was in the bedroom with her. I told her it was a bit chilly outside, why not put one of his many hats on the box?

She laughed at that idea, knowing how he would have enjoyed the irreverence of putting a hat on a box of ashes. She hated most of his hats, especially the baseball hats, but I think she chose one of those to put on him.

It was good to hear her laugh.